Tuesday, March 8, 2011
March 8, 2011 Happy International Women's Day, Dear Ones!!!... (Gentlemen, pass that on to your wives.) :-)
Oh, how I miss checking in more often... I kid you not, challenges and trials, floods of wrangled emotions and lots of lessons learned; that has been how things have progressed from September of 2010 to now. Sickness hit hard this year, shortly after November's lice and burn dramatic events. I mean the sticky sort of germs that cling and don't want to leave. I mean the kinds that come, make a full round amongst every member of the family, and then, upon seeing an opening in a weaker immune system, choose to begin another round. I mean from injuries, to operations, to challenges at school, to challenges in relationships, to challenges in trying instruct my kids to have faith in their own trials, to remembering God's healing power so I do not have to wallow in pity, grief, or sorrow...
Loneliness has been an interesting fair weather-companion, challenging me to remember that Jesus "never leaves or forsakes me". Thankfully, Loneliness has not dominated my life, as the Lord has seen my needs and granted some beautiful, needed moments with friends. Exhaustion is ever near, reminding me that my "strength truly does come from above." Then there are spurts of energy that remind me of days long ago, in my youth. When did I ever had such strength, such energy? Where has it now gone? Well, it all reminds me that our "times are in His hands". All of our times. Desert, Mountain, Valley, Joyful, Sorrowing, Grieving, Hurt, Healing, Loving, Disdaining, Strong, Weak... ALL of our times are in His hands. (Psalms)
"My hope is in You, Jesus. My hope is in You.
I have nothing to give but a heart weary and weak.
Take what I have, Lord, meager at it is.
Make from it flourishing seeds of faith and peace.
My hope is in You, Jesus. My hope is in You.
Help me to cling, to rely, and believe.
You are my Strength, my Praise, my Joy...
You are sufficient in all ways and all things."
(by Celita, March 8, 2011)
In general, I am well, just a little tired. I came across a verse that has started making a path through my heart. I am not sure exactly the effects of it, but, it has been an interesting sort of affect.
Exodus 14:14 "You only need to remain calm; the Lord will fight for you."
It has meant so much to me during this season of trudging, growing, stretching, waiting... When I have felt most desperate, I have yet felt the Lord reaching out to me. When I have felt the most alone, I have felt Him caress my soul with His creation's beauty. When I have fallen before His feet, anxious, worn, distressed, He has helped me to stand once again.
I had a moment on Sunday... Let me tell you, it was a hard moment. I was down, really down. I felt the Lord tell me to go to the roof. I asked Him for a bit of beauty to my soul, and when I arrived to the roof, I waited only to see fathoms of clouds tumbling slowly over each other, to be knudged by winds not healthy to my bronchitis recovering lungs. I waited, for a rainbow, the sun to all-of-a-sudden shine, something... I waited, and wept before Him. PLEASE, Help me! I need You. After pouring out, I went back to my kids. I sat at the table STARVING for something, and just read from the Bible before me. Part of what I read seemed like illumination through a tunnel of misunderstanding and immaturity, another part remained just words on the page, and yet another part seemed to fill me with such tremendous, emotion-packed joy. I read, I cooked, I put it all aside, and after the kids were down for naps, I resumed with a flurry of aching desperation. I wanted, I needed, and... after a few hours of pouring over words, meanings, anything before my eyes... He met me.
I tell you, even now my heart is overwhelmed as I recount this to you.
This is what I wrote in my "Book of Remembrance: Sacrifice of Praise and Joy Journal" (I named it.)
"I was so discouraged this morning. Feeling the weight of challenges, the hopelessness of challenges regarding my family, weaknesses, needs. Feeling down, overwhelmed, and trodden down. I felt Him say to go to the roof...So I did. I asked Him to show me something beautiful, something to encourage my beauty-starved soul, beaten down by negativity, nagging, criticism, unappreciation... I wept.. I saw the land, His mountains, and innumerable, layered clouds. No rainbows, no other lovely or miraculaous thing... Here I have been poring over scriptures just NEEDING... after these hours, He showed me the "why" in these verses... Praise Your name, my Jesus! Thank You for calming me. Thank You for this unexpected and necessary word to my heart. You are so Great!
(When you see clouds or are surrounded by fog remember this)...
1 Kings 8:10-12
"And it came to pass, when the priests came out of the holy place, that the Cloud filled the house of the Lord, so that the priests could not continue ministering because of the cloud; for the glory of the Lord filled the house of the Lord. Then Solomon spoke: 'The Lord said He would dwell in the dark cloud...' "
He is the Creator of all things. The Psalms clearly state, "The heavens declare the glory of the Lord." Do you see? I will think twice before I complain about dark clouds and rain again... for, you see, He created even these. It is after the storm and rough weather that a rainbow can be shown in all its splendor. So, I will relish the storm and the clouds, and believe that He is near. I will call on His name to save me, and know that He is near. I will trust Him as I am wind-tossed, and know that He is near. I will believe His promises, to "never leave or forsake me", to "catch me when I fall", to "fill me when I am empty", to "give strength when I am weak"... I will trust Him, and know that He is near.
I hope that you will also be blessed to draw near to God. He will draw near to you, too. Blessings, dear one.
And, to my sisters in this world... May God bless you and remind you of how special you are to Him. Happy Woman's Day!!! You are loved, desired, and known... Thank Jesus!