Monday, May 23, 2011

What to do? What to say? How to feel?...

Life... has... been... full... I have wept many tears of frustration at the confusion around me. Moving is one thing because you know you have a whole new space to move to that should have been already cleaned and prepared to welcome your belongings. But... when you are just making your space bigger and shifting stuff around, and that space that you live in just seems to get smaller and smaller to make room for a bigger space that you look at longingly but cannot dwell in yet, well, it is hard. I have felt stifled, frustrated, restless, out of control, and just plain overwhelmed in this weeks' part of our journey. I have not shared many pictures over the last few months. We have come a LONG way. I am grateful for that, but I have not shared because I have no energy to make more room in my day to sit here and share. I am so tired. So is my husband. We get through our days, trying to keep things normal while still having to make changes that are anything BUT normal.

You think I am being vague? I am not, but I can understand if you might think I am. Let me put it very plainly. Our stress has progressed so that now I am living in a space like the two bedroom apartment we had when we first got married, only now we are seven people crammed together. Cosy,yes, but also many toes being stepped on often. The older kids CLEARLY need their space. But then, so do the little ones, and us. The house is close, so close, to being mostly done. At least liveable, with projects that can be accomplished little by little. This week we added stress to our overflowing cup. No convenient cooking or washing space makes me feel like I am camping. Our old sink sits outside our front door, near our well-water faucet, and I wash dishes there for now. And, cooking is basic, as it is accomplished on my mother-in-law's old small stove. Thank God I have somewhere to cook though, and to wash dishes. I am daily reminded that not forty years ago, this area was still without much running water or updated bathrooms. A Zia (aunt) came over yesterday recounting her life forty years ago, and I am SO grateful to know that in the following days I WILL have my kitchen back, my stove and oven back, my running water in faucets that can fill my new deep sinks. This experience is inconvenient, but it sure does give me a different perspective of how blessed we truly are. Just thinking about the past and how women's days were spent then, and how they are now... I appreciate that I can figure out how to wash dishes outside, but I am relieved to know that my dishwasher will eventually be able to be used again. Life is so full that sometimes I ache just to create, read a book, or giggle with my kids like on more laid back days. These days we have been too stressed and misunderstandings have erupted like weeds.

In the midst of all of this, my oldest nephew, A, and oldest niece, N, decided to make a public confession of faith in Jesus by being baptized (immersed in water)! That occurred on Saturday, and I assure you it was beautiful. Praise the Lord!! That is a huge and many-years-worth answer to prayer. Get this, as it is another large answer to prayer it must also be mentioned, my five kids sat so well behaved in the third row, for the ENTIRE service. That WAS a God-thing to be sure, and, looking back, all of the kids in the room were uncharacteristically behaved throughout the church service. It was as if the Lord's Spirit truly permeated and worked as we had been praying for Him to do. We had a guest speaker who spoke so interestingly, perfectly, and effectively, that he kept the attention of each person, child, and unsaved guest. Emotion was high in the midst of the celebration, and it was a really special time together.

What else? My husband is busy dealing with kitchen cabinets. We had mold issues in parts of the house that have had to be addressed as well. It is all well and good that we can laugh about it all now that we have a handle on it, but it was sure worth crying over at first.

Oh, I just realized it is gettin late... I cannot think of much else to add anyway, but I must go now... Hope to be back again soon... Hopefully with pictures? In the meantime, thank you for checking in. You are a blessing to me.

May the Lord give you peace through your challenges, and courage to confront each moment of each day with His grace and hope. Blessings to you...

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