Monday, May 30, 2011

Warrior Mamma: Armed And Dangerous...


Honestly, I wasn't going to say anything. I figured that it is big news for me and my family. Well, you might just get a kick out of our newest adventure. I suppose that I have been lax in including much of our recent lives on this blog. I am a bit behind, but let me assure you that this is one of MANY different adventures and incidences that we have been going through over the last while. The Lord has been faithful throughout each challenge, and I have no doubt He will help us through this one as well.

So...

You should have seen me the day, Saturday May 28th, my kids were playing outside, and came charging up to me terrified as they yelled that there were TWO snakes rolling around on the yard ("They were trying to make babies", I told them. Well, they were. Hahahah). They were so scared. After my initial, "That is so cool" thought, I charged after those two black snakes with my slippers on and a shovel and hit one- hard. (Sorry no pictures available...) They slipped through the fence to some high grass. Then I WENT CRAZY trying to find them after I returned to get Anthony’s work boots on as I thought it would be silly for me to be bitten because I charged in unprepared. Duh. My father-in-law saw me and joined in. We discovered where they were planning on making a nice little home for eggs, grrrrr… but they got away again. Since then my father-in-law killed a smaller one, and we saw another on Sunday that we cannot seem to get. Four in one weekend!!!

Thank the Lord they are not vipers (brown with diamonds), which are more venomous and dangerous, but they are still not a wanted creature where children are playing. I am a nature-conscious person. Always have been, but... when nature feels that it must intrude upon my home and solitude and tranquility, that is dangerous for them. I will do what I need to to keep my family safe from harm and to allay fears. I feel more confident now that I don't have to worry what I would do if I came across a snake. I know now. hahahah... I just need to always have a shovel at hand, and I will have no worries. Though, I am not sure how that would go over with being all dressed up and ready to go to church. I do not believe that shovels would be so appreciated in the umbrella stand... ;-) And they are too big to fit in a purse. Hm... May have to brainstorm a sollution to that.

Anyway...

I thought afterwords how I am grateful that my husband is the natural protector of our home. I was thoroughly exhausted after my adventure in the brush. And, as I went to exchange my husband's work boots for my slippers again, I had to pause and take a picture. I thought, "they are sure large shoes to fill." I am grateful for the courage and strength God gives my husband to take care of his responsiblity. Whether that means protecting us, or providing the practical, physical needs of our family.

I do keep thinking about how God is our Protector, and that these snakes are His creation. He can send them away from us. He can keep us safe. But, in an effort to be wise, and get a handle on my current snake paranoia, I am in Warrior Mommy mode… Call me Mommy: Snake Warrior!! Hahahhaha… Thought that might make you laugh, especially as you imagine me daily, before I let the kids out, making my way around our house with a shovel in hand, all firm and businesslike. But, also, please help me pray for safety for us and the kids!! Thanks…

P.S. I do have plans on purchasing my own shovel soon and decorating it in a most girly fashion. Will have to let you know how that goes. Well, frankly, I find a shovel to be a most useful tool,and now I also see the benefits of using it as a weapon. So, purple-flowered, or rainbowed... Not sure yet... Don't be surprised if you come for a visit and see a pretty shovel resting just outside my door. I want to be ready. :-)

Monday, May 23, 2011

What to do? What to say? How to feel?...

Life... has... been... full... I have wept many tears of frustration at the confusion around me. Moving is one thing because you know you have a whole new space to move to that should have been already cleaned and prepared to welcome your belongings. But... when you are just making your space bigger and shifting stuff around, and that space that you live in just seems to get smaller and smaller to make room for a bigger space that you look at longingly but cannot dwell in yet, well, it is hard. I have felt stifled, frustrated, restless, out of control, and just plain overwhelmed in this weeks' part of our journey. I have not shared many pictures over the last few months. We have come a LONG way. I am grateful for that, but I have not shared because I have no energy to make more room in my day to sit here and share. I am so tired. So is my husband. We get through our days, trying to keep things normal while still having to make changes that are anything BUT normal.

You think I am being vague? I am not, but I can understand if you might think I am. Let me put it very plainly. Our stress has progressed so that now I am living in a space like the two bedroom apartment we had when we first got married, only now we are seven people crammed together. Cosy,yes, but also many toes being stepped on often. The older kids CLEARLY need their space. But then, so do the little ones, and us. The house is close, so close, to being mostly done. At least liveable, with projects that can be accomplished little by little. This week we added stress to our overflowing cup. No convenient cooking or washing space makes me feel like I am camping. Our old sink sits outside our front door, near our well-water faucet, and I wash dishes there for now. And, cooking is basic, as it is accomplished on my mother-in-law's old small stove. Thank God I have somewhere to cook though, and to wash dishes. I am daily reminded that not forty years ago, this area was still without much running water or updated bathrooms. A Zia (aunt) came over yesterday recounting her life forty years ago, and I am SO grateful to know that in the following days I WILL have my kitchen back, my stove and oven back, my running water in faucets that can fill my new deep sinks. This experience is inconvenient, but it sure does give me a different perspective of how blessed we truly are. Just thinking about the past and how women's days were spent then, and how they are now... I appreciate that I can figure out how to wash dishes outside, but I am relieved to know that my dishwasher will eventually be able to be used again. Life is so full that sometimes I ache just to create, read a book, or giggle with my kids like on more laid back days. These days we have been too stressed and misunderstandings have erupted like weeds.

In the midst of all of this, my oldest nephew, A, and oldest niece, N, decided to make a public confession of faith in Jesus by being baptized (immersed in water)! That occurred on Saturday, and I assure you it was beautiful. Praise the Lord!! That is a huge and many-years-worth answer to prayer. Get this, as it is another large answer to prayer it must also be mentioned, my five kids sat so well behaved in the third row, for the ENTIRE service. That WAS a God-thing to be sure, and, looking back, all of the kids in the room were uncharacteristically behaved throughout the church service. It was as if the Lord's Spirit truly permeated and worked as we had been praying for Him to do. We had a guest speaker who spoke so interestingly, perfectly, and effectively, that he kept the attention of each person, child, and unsaved guest. Emotion was high in the midst of the celebration, and it was a really special time together.

What else? My husband is busy dealing with kitchen cabinets. We had mold issues in parts of the house that have had to be addressed as well. It is all well and good that we can laugh about it all now that we have a handle on it, but it was sure worth crying over at first.

Oh, I just realized it is gettin late... I cannot think of much else to add anyway, but I must go now... Hope to be back again soon... Hopefully with pictures? In the meantime, thank you for checking in. You are a blessing to me.

May the Lord give you peace through your challenges, and courage to confront each moment of each day with His grace and hope. Blessings to you...

Monday, May 2, 2011

Lucky? Or Blessed?

I just had a random thought that I decided was worth venting out. Odd that I am on and able to do this, but I will take it when I can get it. So...

Have I mentioned how uncomfortable the word "lucky" is for me? Okay, I very nearly hate the word "lucky"? Yeah, I don't think I have mentioned that before, to anyone. I have just had the realization, so bear with me as I state only a few things. Okay?

"Lucky" feels like "hit or miss", "50/50, like that magic black ball that tells you "don't bet on it", "yeah, right", "I don't think so", etc... "Lucky" makes me anxious and nervous that I will not have what it takes, I am not good enough, like I may not be lucky enough to BE lucky. There is a sense of doubt as to my worth, my ability, my talent, who I am. Kind of like, the possibility of walking across a road blindfolded and expecting not to get hit by a car. Hm... I don't like it.

In other words, I have trouble saying "Good Luck." Not because I don't wish someone well, but because I don't want you to have a chance, I want you to excel. Luck seems so half-cast, like it is okay to just do a little just to get by, or to try and try and feel like a failure when you don't meet up.

So, what can I say instead of "good luck"? I have met with that issue, and sometimes I have said it as I could not think of a substitute at the time. But, what did people say before the phrase "good luck" came about? Now THAT is a thought, isn't it? How about "I wish you well"? "Be blessed"? "Rooting for you"? "I know you can do it"? or any other number of phrases?

Why do I sometimes feel so rushed to say "good luck", when I would much rather say something more meaningful and less cliché? Why would I allow myself to get so caught up and stressed that I cannot even wish someone TRULY, from-the-heart well?

Why am I even harping on this? Well, I have been examining myself. I dislike the phrase so much, and yet I still use it sometimes. It makes me feel a little hypocritical, even though sometimes it is also for convenience: for lack of a better word, or because it is easy enough for anyone to understand in our society.

Have you thought instead about how "blessing" feels? To me it feels like an outpouring of love. It feels like hope being mounted on my shoulders like a lovely, billowy shroud. It is refreshing and light and pleasant.

On that note, I say only this... I do not wish you "luck", but I DO wish you blessing, an outpouring of God's love to overwhelm you with hope, to calm your frazzled nerves, to give you peace in your storms, to give you joy in the midst of hard times. I desire healing for your wounds, strength in your weakness, and Love to wrap His arms around you. I desire you to see and know that God's love is full of such blessing, it is available to you if you just ask Him for it. It is always available to you, always pure, and always fulfilling.

:-)

P.S. So you know, I have just added another blog... It is called Tongue-Tried BiLinguist. Check it out HERE...