There are no words to fill in all the words I haven't said in this very lengthy waiting time. So much... How do I fill in the words that have sat on my heart for these days, weeks, and months? Waiting for an appropriate moment to pour forth, but... they have not made it to paper nor keyboard. I have wished for a mind that could record, truly record. I have even wished for a mind that could be a camera... SNAP! Take a picture in a moment and have it stored away for always. Oh, what joy that would be, but... it is not that way. Perhaps, God knew that I would be so attached to the visible, and THAT is why He did not add that to our selves when He imagined us up. We can be so visual and sensory that we miss out on what is not seen. And THAT is what is real.
I love keeping a blog to share and encourage and create, but... even this is not the real part of reality. Time is an essence of something bigger than we are. We cannot control it, but it does control us in a sense. We become overwhelmed.. Okay, I become overwhelmed, by time going by too quickly, or too slowly. When there aren't enough hours in a day... When my kids grow like weeds before my eyes and I want to be able to capture more, do more, remember more... BE MORE PRESENT. I want to wipe away all those times that I forgot something important, rushed bedtime closer, brushed away nagging fingers of my child to say that I had something more pressing to do. I want to embrace each moment and live intentionally...
Sometimes I am just too tired, moody, discouraged, or "done" to do so... and I miss out. I spent a few days like that. I was not feeling well, but... I still missed out on some great stuff for my lack of "presence". Looking back, now that I am feeling better, I cannot remember very much, and now I feel "what a waste". Why does it take hindsight to make us realize what we are losing? Why can't we just see in that moment and be quick to pick up our skirts and go on in joy, even if things are not perfect? sigh...
Well, these days have been days of reflection. Intense, housebound, always interupted, lengthy reflection. And, I know I want to do better. That is a start. So... I may not be able to come on the blog often, but I want to do better.
I miss being here, and I will commit to doing better. There is much to share, and for that I am grateful.
I hope you are well, dear, faithful, readers and friends. And, I declare HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012 to you, since I missed doing even that. I will be back soon to inform you of my new "word of the year". It is a doozy, and I am excited about it.
And... well, for now, nothing else. Just know that you are very dear to me. Be safe and healthy, and come back soon.